Title : Because I Can
Pairing : Wonkyu
Disclaimer : All casts are belong to their self and God
Warning : Un-betaed, BL, Angst
Inspired : An Indonesian Song ‘Karena Ku Sanggup’ by Agnes Monica
Summary : Even though it’s hard for me, even though this is not what I want, I have to bear with it because I can.
( 。・_・。)人(。・_・。 )
He’s finished packing all his stuff in a single suitcase. I know that he will not bring all his stuff because it will remind him of me. I know and willing or not, I have to accept that.
He’s my husband. He’s the father of my children. Yet, he’s no longer acknowledged, no longer see me as his spouse anymore. To him, I just one man who share a brief moments in his life. To him, I’m just someone who already given to his whim and it’s time for us to separate and go with our own way, although in some point, maybe it’s not his choice.
“Kyuhyun.” He called me with his soothing voice.
“I know.” I tried to smile at him. Tried to make the impression that I’m tough, that I could handle his departing.
“I’m sorry.” I smile at his attempt of apologize. I know this separation is also hard for him even though I’m not sure if I’m still matter to him for he to be feel so complicated being apart with me. I reach his face. I put my hand in his face. I touch his skin gently and slowly. I want to feel for one last time, his warmth.
I hug him tightly as he hugs me back. As I replace my hands to his broad back and neck, my husband return it with circling both his arms to my waist. We embrace each other like we used to do back then before he chooses this way. He chooses the way of not having me beside him anymore.
Its funny how love could make you made the choices that are completely hurting you. Yet, if you not take that choice you simply would make the other hurt more than yourselves. My husband, Choi Siwon, take that choices. He simply have to let me go because in the end he knows he could hurt me in the process if he still with me.
So, for that matter, he had to let me go. He has to hurt me now although he’s already hurt me first when he made that mistake. Hitherto, I could only accept it. There’s no other way. I could never force him to stay with me. It’s not my nature. I could only let him go because this is the best for both our sake. I let him go and hope there’s no regret behind all of this.
After some time, I release our binding. I hold tight his checks with my hand and brush it gently with my thumb. This handsome face isn’t going to be mine in a few hours. I couldn’t see his black eyes that always shone when he open it first thing in the morning. I couldn’t see his sharp nose, his gorgeous bone structure, his fascinating dimple, and his lips that kiss me all the time, in every occasion, every waking moment when I’m with him. I’m going to miss all of that. But most of all, I would miss his smile, his voice, his gentle demeanor, and his love. Can I survive this?
“I wish I could stay Kyu. I really do but…” I put my finger in his lips to stop the sentence his going to utter. Please, I don’t want to hear any excuse or reason for him to regret his choices. I don’t want to feel any hesitation to what I already decide.
“But he needs you more that I do Wonnie. He needs you, you know that.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.” No, I’m not. My heart is still yearning for you, Siwon.
He takes my finger and kisses it lightly. He then takes my hand and also kisses my palms and the back of it in the same manner. I smile at his gentle act. I know that he could feel the doubt inside my heart; however I wouldn’t let him see it. I have to act strong because I can do it.
“Are you being honest with me?” Siwon asked me while holding my hand tightly. I smile and nodding my head although that was totally a lie. For this moment, I have to be a liar.
“You’re absolutely sure?” Siwon asked again completely not believing every word that came from my mouth.
“Yes. I let you go Wonnie. I let you go because this is the best way for us. I let you go because I can. I can stand on my own Wonnie. You have to trust me.” I said that with confidence although my heart said the otherwise. My heart clearly doesn’t want to let him go.
“You know I love you right. Oh baby, I always love you.”
“Yet you do that.”
“Don’t regret what you’ve already done Wonnie. This is something new for you. You’re going to have a son. You’re going to have something that you long for all time.” My heart once again feels like they just had been cut into pieces with a blade. A son. A son is one of many reasons why we’re in this situation right now, the one thing that I could never give to my husband because of my weak body.
So, now you know why I have to let him go to his significant other. His lover, who Siwon claimed never love because his heart and soul has already mine to begin with. Nevertheless, his lover is the one who could give him and the Choi family an heir.
Because that reason only, we have to do this. We have to do this separation after all this time. If I were to be honest, I would die if Siwon leave me, but once again this is my fate. My journey with him has come to an end. Even if I don’t want this, even I despise this; I have no choice but to abide with it. Because I know I can. Because I have to. For him, and most of all for me.
( 。・_・。)人(。・_・。 )
n4oK0’s notes : Sorry for making they separate like that. I’m in the mood for some angst. Should I continue this or you all satisfied with this??? What do you think???
Hope you still like this one
Sankyu and peace all